Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
