Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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