Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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