I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
