turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
