peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
