There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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