I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
