I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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