I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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