my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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