either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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