If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
