Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
