apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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