I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
