I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
