I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize