Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
