So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
