im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
