I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize