Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
