i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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