your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize