Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
