she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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