fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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