those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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