you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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