Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
