If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
