I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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