the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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