so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
