It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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