highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
