Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
