So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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