There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
