Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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