mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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