He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
