She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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