Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
