Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
