I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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