tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
