Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
