I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
