She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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