No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
