remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize