No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
