Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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