I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
