I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
