angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
