i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
