I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
love makes seman taste better
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
