You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
