I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
