got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Congratulations! We have a period
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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