Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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