We're facebook friends in real life
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
