i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
