What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
