I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize