pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
